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The psychological term for this is "projection." For humans it means that we assume that others will behave and think the same way we do. I have seen it happen in my own life. Sometimes I can't seem to figure out why my husband is being nice after a disagreement- because I take it personally. It's not just about an idea. It's about who is right. And it's hard to admit being wrong. So I've been known to hold a grudge. And then to assume he feels the same way. So his behavior, even if it's nice, seems inappropriate. The smile seems to say, "Nah-nah. I got you."
It's only in the last year or so that I've been able to see that my husband doesn't operate that way. He is trying to make amends with a smile. He will let go of the argument and focus on the relationship. He knows that grudges get in the way. And so does projection.
When the dog expects her controlling behavior to be reciprocated, she can't even go outside. How sad. But she assumes that if she is in charge of the house and can push the other dog around, then certainly, the outdoor dog would want to push her around in his domain.
There is a bit of guilt in this process. To pout or to be pushy isn't the nicest behavior. And Koda knows the other dog doesn't fight back. Will Bear's goodness win her over? I believe it is possible.
The other day when I was feeling a bit resentful because my husband was right and I was wrong, I thought about how I could act differently. To set a better example for the children...and, who knows, maybe for the dog too...I said, "You were right, dear!"
It's good to step outside myself. The truth is I am humbled by my husband's willingness to forgive and forget. There he is smiling and ready to say, "It doesn't mater. Only love matters."
What a sweetheart he is! I think I'll try to be like him and Bear whatever comes my way with a smile. Than I'll expect and project only the good! Hopefully, Koda will try it too.
Simpler Living Blog
Bearing It!
The psychological term for this is "projection." For humans it means that we assume that others will behave and think the same way we do. I have seen it happen in my own life. Sometimes I can't seem to figure out why my husband is being nice after a disagreement- because I take it personally. It's not just about an idea. It's about who is right. And it's hard to admit being wrong. So I've been known to hold a grudge. And then to assume he feels the same way. So his behavior, even if it's nice, seems inappropriate. The smile seems to say, "Nah-nah. I got you."
It's only in the last year or so that I've been able to see that my husband doesn't operate that way. He is trying to make amends with a smile. He will let go of the argument and focus on the relationship. He knows that grudges get in the way. And so does projection.
When the dog expects her controlling behavior to be reciprocated, she can't even go outside. How sad. But she assumes that if she is in charge of the house and can push the other dog around, then certainly, the outdoor dog would want to push her around in his domain.
There is a bit of guilt in this process. To pout or to be pushy isn't the nicest behavior. And Koda knows the other dog doesn't fight back. Will Bear's goodness win her over? I believe it is possible.
The other day when I was feeling a bit resentful because my husband was right and I was wrong, I thought about how I could act differently. To set a better example for the children...and, who knows, maybe for the dog too...I said, "You were right, dear!"
It's good to step outside myself. The truth is I am humbled by my husband's willingness to forgive and forget. There he is smiling and ready to say, "It doesn't mater. Only love matters."
What a sweetheart he is! I think I'll try to be like him and Bear whatever comes my way with a smile. Than I'll expect and project only the good! Hopefully, Koda will try it too.
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